It has been a few months since I wrote. As I am sure many can relate to….its been complicated. The kittens have flourished and are tearing the house apart every night trying to escape the dogs chasing them…(it’s a game they play).
This condition sucks. Abraham Hicks says “you gotta make peace with where ya are….to get to where you want to be”…..did I tell ya this condition sucks? I would love to see them in person to ask a few questions, but since I can’t leave the house, and they do not do private consultations anymore I guess I will have to wait till I “croke”…but by then it won’t make any difference will it? Don’t get me wrong, I like Esther and Abraham Hicks just because 75% of what they say seems to resonate with me. I like Dr. Claire Weekes too, because she seems to get the condition. Dr. Wayne Dyer also speaks to it a bit too in his book, “Wishes Fulfilled” in that he has a chapter on sleep and what our thoughts are as we go to sleep. Other than Esther Hicks…they are all dead. Not a whole lot of encouragement on survival there though…..
It is winter on the farm here in the Northeast. Back about 3 months ago the sun set and went on vacation someplace else. It is probably just as well. My condition seems to have deteriorated significantly over the last year. I used to be able to leave the property for at least short outings which is no longer the case. I can’t even get to my therapist’s office anymore. Days suck and nights are a nightmare. Five panic attacks in one night. My poor body is just being flogged by it all.
About 2 weeks ago some goats came to the farm. They are nigerian dwarf goats, 4 of them, all girls. I have wanted goats all my life. Back about 20 years ago I went to check out a big goat farm near Cornell University in Ithaca, NY, they were looking to sell. They had about 400, and made their own cheese and related goat milk products right there in their own facility on the farm. It was like a dream come true for me…except they wanted more than I could even sell body parts for. Another disappointment to add to the long list I have going. With my condition deteriorating I decided that I would buy these goats so I could at least say I had some before I died. I also thought that they would bring me some joy…(that three lettered swear word in my world), and in their own way they have. It’s tough to sit in the snow and cold to watch them right now but I try to as much as I can. If my head is spinning too much I have to forgo it and get into the house before I pass out…I just do not want to die in a snowbank.
Had to trim back the old apple tree to satisfy the utility company. Not sure it will survive so I took cuttings and have two dozen started in the kitchen. Still have some trimming to do, but the weather turned to shit so it will have to wait.They have started to bud out so hopefully they will have good enough roots by mid summer to plant along with the sweet cherry bush cuttings I have started.
With the goats taking up the old garden pasture a new garden location will have to be prepped this spring. It seems like I have relocated a garden on this property at least 4 times that I can remember (over 30 years). I should be seasoned at it by now, but it is still a lot of work starting over some place else. I do not know if I have it left in me.
Guess it is time for the morning nap as the words on this page are starting to become difficult to see, the dizziness blurs them altogether. Happy Valentines Day to everyone…eat a piece of chocolate for me <3.
The Busy Agoraphobic 